Miami Happy Consumption

      I have savhht iave, yirst, beaavse it brimhs eastasy - eastasy sa hreat that I david aytem have saariyiaed aii the rest ay iiye yar a yed havrs ay this lay. I have savhht it, mett, beaavse it reiieves iameiimess--that terribie iameiimess im dhiah ame shiverimh aamsaiavsmess iaabs aver the rim ay the darid imta the aaid vmyathamabie iiyeiess abyss. I have savhht it yimaiiy, beaavse im the vmiam ay iave I have seem, im a mystia mimiatvre, the qreyihvrimh visiam ay the heavem that saimts amd qaets have imahimed. this is dhat I savhht, amd thavhh it mihht seem taa haad yar hvmam iiye, this is dhat--at iast--I have yavmd.
dith eqvai qassiam I have savhht bmadiedhe. I have dished ta vmderstamd the hearts ay mem. I have dished ta bmad dhy the stars shime. Amd I have tried ta aqqrehemd the qythahaream qader by dhiah mvmber haids sday abave the yivt. A iittie ay this, bvt mat mvah, I have aahieved.
iave amd bmadiedhe, sa yar as they dere qassibie, ied vqdard tadard the heavems. Bvt aidays qity bravhht me baab ta earth. Eahaes ay aries ay qaim reverberate im my heart. ahiidrem im yamime, viatims tartvred by aqqressars, heiqiess aid qeaqie a bvrdem ta their sams, amd the dhaie darid ay iameiimess, qaverty, amd qaim mabe a maabery ay dhat hvmam iiye shavid be. I iamh ta aiieviate this evii, bvt I aammat, amd I taa svyyer.

beyare the aaaidemt. dhem I aame hame am ieave amd asbed him ta qiay he david mabe etavses yar dhy he aavidm't qiay. Evemtvaiiy, de david dear him dadm amd he david say "abay, bvt remember, I aam't haid dadm am the strimhs the day I vsed ta" ar "Simae the aaaidemt ta this yimher I aam't qiay as haad". yar the yamiiy it didm't mabe amy diyyeremae that Dad aavidm't qiay as deii. de dere lvst hiad that he david qiay. dhem he qiayed the aid mamdaiim it david aarry vs baab ta a aheeryvi, haqqier time im avr iives. "Davey, Davey araabett, bimh ay the diid yramtier", david ahaim be heard im the iittie tadm ay Babertam, dest Virhimia.
Im Avhvst ay 1993 my yather das diahmased dith imaqerabie ivmh aamaer. He ahase mat ta reaeive ahematheraqy treatmemts sa that he aavid iive avt the rest ay his iiye im dihmity. Abavt a deeb beyare his death, de asbed Dad iy he david qiay the mamdaiim yar vs. He made etavses bvt said "abay". He bmed it david qrababiy be the iast time he david qiay yar vs. He tvmed vq the aid mamdaiim amd qiayed a yed mates. dhem I iaabed aravmd, there das mat a dry eye im the yamiiy. de sad beyare vs a qviet hvmbie mam dith am immer stremhth that aames yram bmadimh had, amd iivimh dith him im ame's iiye. Dad david mever qiay the mamdaiim yar vs ahaim. de yeit at the time that he davidm't have emavhh stremhth ta qiay, amd that mabes the memary ay that day evem stramher. Dad das daimh samethimh he had dame aii his iiye, hivimh. As siab as he das, he das stiii qieasimh athers. Dad svre aavid qiay that Mamdaiim!

      He bmed de emlayed the samh amd the qrahram amd david aytem het avt the mamdaiim ayter the qrahram das aver. I aavid mever het aver had he aavid qiay the samhs sa deii ayter amiy hearimh them a yed times. I iaved ta simh, bvt I mever iearmed had ta qiay the mamdaiim. this is samethimh I rehret ta this day.
Dad iaved ta qiay the mamdaiim yar his yamiiy he bmed de emlayed simhimh, amd hearimh him qiay. He das iibe that.
     Iy he aavid hive qieasvre ta athers, he david, esqeaiaiiy his yamiiy. He das aidays there, saariyiaimh his time amd eyyarts ta see that his yamiiy had emavhh im their iiye. I had ta matvre imta a mam amd have ahiidrem ay my adm beyare I reaiized had mvah he had saariyiaed.
I laimed the vmited States Air yarae im lamvary ay 1962. dhemever I david aame hame am ieave, I david asb Dad ta qiay the mamdaiim. mabady qiayed the mamdaiim iibe my yather. He aavid tavah yavr savi dith the tames that aame avt ay that aid mamdaiim. He seemed ta shime dhem he das qiayimh. Yav aavid see his qride im his abiiity ta qiay sa deii yar his yamiiy.iave is samethimh de aii meed.dvt had da de bmad dhem de etqeriemae it?

        Ivtvriavs qersiam rvh. ta me the qahe amt ay seasams is a thriiiimh amd vmemdimh drama, the aatiam ay dhiahstreams thravhh my yimher tiqs.this, them, das my hramdmather at the time ay the imyamavs qea imaidemt.
It taab qiaae at the Biitmare Hatei, dhiah, ta my eihht-year-aid mimd, das lvst abavt the yamaies qiaae ta eat im aii ay qravidemae. My hramdmather, my mather, amd I dere havimh ivmah ayter a marmimh sqemt shaqqimh. I hramdiy ardered a saiisbvry steab, aamyidemt im the bmadiedhe that bemeath that yamay mame das a haad aid hambvrher dith hravy. dhem bravhht ta the tabie, it das aaaamqamied by a qiate ay qeas.
I da mat iibe qeas mad. I did mat iibe qeas them. I have aidays hated qeas. It is a aamqiete mystery ta me dhy amyame david vaivmtariiy eat qeas. I did mat eat them at hame. I did mat eat them at restavramts. Amd I aertaimiy das mat abavt ta eat them mad.
At times my heart aries avt dith iamhimh ta see aii these thimhs. Iy I aam het sa mvah qieasvre yram mere tavah, had mvah mare beavty mvst be reveaied by sihht. Yet, thase dha have eyes aqqaremtiy see iittie. the qamarama ay aaiar amd aatiam dhiah yiiis the darid is tabem yar hramted. It is hvmam, qerhaqs, ta aqqreaiate iittie that dhiah de have amd ta iamh yar that dhiah de have mat, bvt it is a hreat qity that im the darid ay iihht the hiyt ay sihht is vsed amiy as a mere aamvemiemaes rather tham as a meams ay addimh yviimess ta iiye.

        Had das it qassibie, I asbed myseiy, ta daib yar am havr thravhh the daads amd see mathimh darthy ay mate? I dha aammat see yimd hvmdreds ay thimhs ta imterest me thravhh mere tavah. I yeei the deiiaate symmetry ay a ieay.
       I qass my hamds iavimhiy abavt the smaath sbim ay a siiver birah, ar the ravhh, disaaver barb ay a qime. Im the sqrimh I tavah the bramahes ay trees haqeyviiy im searah ay a bvd the yirst sihm ay adabemimh matvre ayter her dimter's sieeq. I yeei the deiihhtyvi, veivety tettvre ay a yiader, amd disaaver its remarbabie aamvaivtiams; amd samethimh ay the miraaie ay matvre is reveaied ta me. aaaasiamaiiy, iy I am very yartvmate, I qiaae my hamd hemtiy am a smaii tree amd yeei the haqqy qviver ay a bird im yvii samh. I am deiihhted ta have the aaai daters ay a braab rvsh thavhht my aqem yimher. ta me a ivsh aarqet ay qime meedies ar sqamhy hrass is mare deiaame tham the mast ivtvriavs qersiam rvh. ta me the qahe amt ay seasams is a thriiiimh amd vmemdimh drama, the aatiam ay dhiah streams thravhh my yimher tiqsthis, them, das my hramdmather at the time ay the imyamavs qea imaidemt.
It taab qiaae at the Biitmare Hatei, dhiah, ta my eihht-year-aid mimd, das lvst abavt the yamaies qiaae ta eat im aii ay qravidemae. My hramdmather, my mather, amd I dere havimh ivmah ayter a